I awaken from my Union-induced stupor, and find my life in shambles.

Here's a clip to cheer up the darcy-ish. Courtesy of yin ling.

Oh and the following post was written in anger. Though anger was not the emotion involved. I just decided to use the cliche. The basis of it is my relations with all who have passed through my life, in one way or another.

Episode III: The Revenge of the Shit

Change isn't the most pleasant thing on earth now is it? We've all had the unfortunate experience of being forced to enact or endure a change in our environment. It usually isn't pleasant business no? Well the fruits of the labour are often good though. After all, we're taught that so long as we embrace change, all will come to fruitition and we'll live happily ever after. Right? Right.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just too lazy to continue with my train of thoughts. Maybe I can't be arsed to think positive. Maybe I can't be arsed to think pessimistic. Maybe I just want to use the word "maybe" 5 times. Maybe I made a mistake and used it 6 times. Or perhaps I just can't bring myself to tell all you little boys and girls out there that 'ol Uncle 'rek isn't all he's cracked himself out to be, and that he just can't accomplish what he's said he would. Or perhaps not. Who knows? Certainly not me.

The responsibility for breakdown in the fabric does not lie on the shoulders of one. It never does. Can you name the person entirely and solely responsible for the civil war in Sudan? The individual single handedly repsonsible for global warming? The one person who brought the flowing scourge of the Boxing Day tsunami upon the hundreds of thousands of victims? The lone enitity who signed the death warrant of 3 quarters of the European population during the time of the Black Death?

Sometimes, it isn't just the obvious things that we should pay heed to.
2 Corinthians 4:18
while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Play with the punctuation and the nuances. You'll understand some things.

2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
Auf Weidersehen. I leave a much calmer person than I was when I began.

I miss you. Its driving me insane.

I need a human's touch.

I need a human's voice.

I need ... ... something to take my mind off everything else.

Auf Weidersehen.

*woffles away grinning dementedly*

Learn not to show anything. No matter what you feel, you will not let it faze you. Even if it does, you will not let others know that it does. Tolerance is not the word, preservation of the relationship is what it is. Keep in mind the differing approaches to it, and then cease to expect things you know will not be forthcoming. But never forget, you love her.

Auf Weidersehen

you know you do.

Of cruises, temptation, jealousy, and love. This is but the product of a little sod too lazy to recount for your sordid pleasure the intimate details of my silly little existance. Can't be arsed. good bye :)

Auf weidersehen. *hic*

Repeat after me

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

"I'm not jealous"

Who am I trying to convince. pffffft.

Repeat after me

"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
"I'm Sorry"
I wish i never said anything at all yesterday.

Honesty is not the best policy. As some have so aptly said, "Fuck honesty, honestly."

Lay your head on my shoulder

Tell me it's all going to be alright

I don't want to feel this anymore. I just want it to be the same again.

Auf Weidersehen

HUMBUG! HYPOCRITE! ok, i think i ought to get that DSLR and really get down to continuing with something i like doing, and actually be good at it. I've witnessed, often enough, the passion people have for their... ah passions. well i ought to do something about mine hmmm? Sports are kinda out, music is ridiculus, so i think photography is a good place as any to start.

How does one rectify all his past wrongs? Should he seek out the persons involved and make amends? Or rather, should he direct his efforts inward? With no intent to sound "deep" or any shit like that, I really think I've drifted quite a bit in these past few years. I've gone through all weird and wonderful phases. Oh there was that phase where i was nuts over the Union. I guess thats over, I think all i ever wanted was to succede. I've never really truly embraced doing something because i enjoyed it.

I've oft talked about giving up those silly grudges of mine. But if I think I can't do it. Not yet. I'm unwilling to accept the fact that I weakened my resolve, provoking the problem. heh self-denial is lovely. Anyway i digress. I need to go research and figure out which camera i ought to get. I hope my parents are still supportive of this, I don't think i can afford this on my own. Haven't really had time to harvest some moolah. I've got alot i want to say, but I think I ought to do it somewhere else. pffft.

Auf Weidersehen. oh and nice seeing you again yin ling. haha not that you'll see this.

Lesson 1: The intent to do something means nothing without the will to follow it through.