Number one, Shaz is an EXCELLENT blogger. i just think so. number 2, i'm bored. ok. I've given up really trying to blog in a sensible manner. Never managed to in the first place, but gimme some credit for trying. Also, i beleive i deserve a little bit of credit for trying to live sensibly for the past couple of weeks, no matter how botched the attempt was. I think i'll jsut degenerate back to my old savage self for now. Life's more entertaining that way. now that i'm done with all that, time to begin my emo posting.

Things remain the same, life is as life will be, nothing of any significance will occur, 'cuz nothing can be said for the effort in involved. which of course would be zilch. But thats besides the point for now. So sad, so sad, its a sad sad situation, but sorry isn't really the hardest word. I've been practically living in the lounge recently, i think i deserve an award for "most often found in the lounge"? And yi sheng deserves an award for most often using my lap top. oh wait i'm supposed to be emo-ing. Lets try that again. I find i'm still very much jarred by a few specific words which are oft uttered in the presence of a specific person. It annoys me, but of course, it shouldn't, since they are probably uttered in jest, and i have no moral high ground to take in this case. Speaking of morals, i've been reading a bit about this T.T Durai case, and boy does it piss me off to see what he's been doing (slow i know but gimme a break, i'm a media student now, i gotta read the papers and make some token comments) anyway yes, he ought to ahve all his possesions seized, since they're obtained via illicit means anyway.

Ah crap. once more i digress. My little group of friends is slowly growing, i think. Nice to know i've evolved, never mind only slightly, from my old anti social self. However there are short comings to this. One is that i'm not prioritising right now. Some people will realise what i mean, but i really am busy now. Perhaps trying to be a perfect person is not really humanly possible. Perhaps doing what i should do, but for the wrong reasons, is what i'm doing now. Whatever it is, i do it all for the people i care for. But it often goes unappreciated because i just screw it up. The simplest thing can be turned into a debacle by my bungling hands. yet i persist in sticking them in events and actions which would do my cause harm. All with the intent of helping, but causing harm none theless. Not a reassuring thought. Neither is the realisation that perhaps my being the grey man is not having the desired effect. I thought that perhaps since my strengths and weaknesses are known by those who make the decisions, i would step back and let others display theirs. Sad to say, i was foolish enough to believe that such a course of action would actually be wise. But things are never the way i think they are. Others stood up, and consolidated their positions there. Perhaps i've thrown away my chance to finally prove myself, in the vain hope that doing the right thing would for once stand me in good stead. Did i truely believe that by working in the background to make things go smoother for the rest they would acknowledge my efforts? Was i really that naive? Unfortunately the answer to taht would be yes. I have this awful habit of allowing others to tread on me, as a stepping stone to go higher. I'm alright with it when people i care for do so in an acceptable manner, but the whole group of them? thats a tad too far. Too late to recover from that farce, a demotion of sorts will set me straight soon enough. So long as its not a total loss, i'll be able to accept it. Of that i'm sure. I'm still to attached to my face to throw it away in the manner in which some have done, allowing thickness of their epidermal covering to affect their common sense.

I'll continue some more of my disjointed whining another time, till then auf weidersehen.