All of a sudden everyone's holier than thou... ironic, how objectivity has gone out of the window. It should have been that when the troubled times were over, and the deal was brokered, that objectivity would once more reign. yet i am forced to admit, that even after the deals were brokered and sealed, no one, not even myself, has reverted to an objective approach. I've definately been wallowing in a sizable puddle of self-pity, and yet i strive ever to rise above the mire of my own creation. it has been decided, and whether or not i feel it is a just and suitable decision, it will have to be accepted. Perhaps with all that has happened, i'll come forth from it all wiser to the wily ways of the world, and see once more, ocularly unveiled. I'll stay witht that which i loved, but now i'll face it, cynicism had served a purpose, and therefore it will endure. I cast the shroud of cynicism aside once, and now i once more seek to regain the mantle of jaded percptions. Sacrifice begets further sacrifice, kindness begets further toil.

Anyway, its been a helluva month, getting battered by several incidences of anomalies of fate. It's got just 2 saving graces. The first and foremost is a person, and this person is the one thing thats kept me from doing several things that not just i would have regretted. this person kept me afloat through the tribulations, and while i haven;t emerged any stronger or wiser, i have glimpsed but a glance of the demon all of us hide within. Not only have i seen my own demon, i've seen that of several people. and frankly, i'm just going to give it up. there's no tangible or intangible gain, should i attempt to take retroactive action against it. All it'll generate is more bad blood, and god knows we don't need anymore of that.

Anyway, this year, i'm joining TPSU sub comm again. but, its not going to be the same, it never will. Faith in a system and organisation, a family even, once. that faith is no longer thronging with joy and love as it once was. its not a fetid and gloomy affair yet, but its well on its way, in my heart. whatever people may say, i just don't have the full force of the passion i used to possess for all things related to the Union. While i don't blame any one person for the events of recent days, i have utterly no trust in the twice confounded and thrice damned system. Contributions, passion and the drive aren't a factor when it comes to the elections, and the votes are all that carry weight. but should it go on to a second round, why is it that votes count for naught and it suddenly boils down to the history of the candidate? No hard feelings to anybody, but this reeks terribly of double standards and hypocrisy. But its not my place to speak up anymore, almost as if it never was. It would serve no purpose to further expound, and should i do so, i suspect it'll reignite several conflicts which i've either enginnered the resolution of, or given in to resolve. i'm quite weary of the politics i've been so active in for so long, and i shall just withdraw into my own little cave and focus on the special people in my life.

ok i'll just leave off, i'm treading on rather dangerous ground, and if i should hit a landmine i'll find out soon. Auf weidersehen